Sweet, Sweet Lonely Girl
USA 2016
Written by A.D. Calvo
Directed by A.D. Calvo
Watched on 24.09.2017

“Sweet, Sweet Lonely Girl” would already be sobering enough if it would be someone’s feature film debut, but taking into account that writer and director A.D. Calvo has already a couple of movies under his belt, the final result is actually quite devastating. “Sweet, Sweet Lonely Girl” is one of those films which seem to have been made by people who have never done a horror film before, and – most of all – for people who have never seen one in their entire life. Because it’s sooooo generic, run-of-the-mill and unimaginative, that for someone who has already seen a couple of horror films (let alone the hundreds that I’ve watched by now) it’s totally unpredictable, and also completely unremarkable. Seriously, there is absolutely nothing here that you haven’t seen before. The setup, the story, the characters, the scares, the “twist”… there’s nothing new here, nothing that would make this even remotely special and/or worthwhile. It’s full of clichés, but offers no tension at all. The characters are one-dimensional and completely uninteresting (and also mostly unlikeable) paperboard-cutouts, the two main characters reminded me a lot of “Jennifer’s body” (the blond shy, innocent virgin and the dark-haired vamp), there’s some completely arbitrary and gratuitous half-nudity (I mean, of course, we all clean our bathrooms half-naked!), and even the inclusion of a gay (or at least bi) protagonist felt calculated (and random). The only saving grace of the movie is its short runtime – but that doesn’t make it any less pointless.
3/10

IMDB